Saturday, October 25, 2008 10:29 PM
the most familiar stranger
what's happening to me?! i wonder which is then the real me
haaaa, basically, I've like got two character inside me.
the gloomy type and the cheerful/joker type
however, i don't know why, in front of my family/relatives,
i'm not being able to be my true self, my own self
yet, in front of my friends/glorious, i can joke/laugh with them, or even make them laugh
or my true self is not at all cheerful?
let's say when i'm at grandma house, with my relatives/cousins
i will just occupy myself by watching tv, I'm not able to joke with them
or crap with them, or make them laugh
yes, probably the only thing that will explain why am i like that, is that i'm jealous.
i know it's stupid, but it's kinda of unfair?
cause she(mum) treat other people better than her daughter
and that feeling doesn't feel good.
at home, i also can't bring myself to smile
why is this happening.
probably, i've numb myself, in front of my family and relatives
i don't want to be like this in front of them, but i can't help it.
we've become the most familiar strangers.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008 10:47 PM
the cruel fact
oh god, redcross events are piling up again
i've updated the upcoming events to my calendar
and realized that the whole month of November & December
has been piled up with many many redcross events
plus the bridging programme
it'll be like no holiday for me, but i'm just loving it :)
because it's better than rotting at home, at least.
i will be occupied with meaningful stuffs
needless to say, there'll bound to be people getting retain
got to know tht 9 people from the Na stream are getting retain
5 people from 3 thinking, 4 people from 3 dynamic
glad to say, i'm wasn't one of them
and and, 15 people from the express stream are coming down
another good news, there'll not be any caring class alr
so if the 15 people are coming down to Na,
high possibility that they'll be going to the first class
and that's so unfair.
i gotta start working hard, from now on
I'm still waiting for an answer.
but time shall do all the talking.
Sunday, October 19, 2008 9:09 PM
Back to the old self.
i completely give up on hope
mum were the one who say she will let go of me
she's the one who say this willingly, i didn't force her or anything
but i know, it's standard
such thing only last for a few weeks, latest will be one month or so?
yes, she said to give me 2 hours of computer per day
yet now, she got back to her old self
nagging when i'm in front of the computer
i just don't get it
don't lie to me, don't let me hold on to some shit hope
making me sound like a fool, a small little naive girl
since you alr tried letting me go,why must you go back to the old constrain you again?
she just don't keep her words.
she will change her rules, as and when she like
yes, she've got all the say in everything
so i must well, just shut up then
soon, i will become mute in front of her man!
i will just shake my head, when she changes.
good things just won't last, don't they;
o well, shall end this happily then.
i just can't wait to get myself involve in redcross again
cause it feels great, having to be with glorious, all the time (:
Thursday, October 16, 2008 8:28 PM
Happy 15th Birthday to Neo Pei Qi
thought i'm not yr closest friend
i don't really know what problems you have
but you seems pretty moody to me, always
don't let those unwanted memories haunt you forever
forget it, for sure, you'll then become a happy person
cause you still have us, your friends
we're there with open arms, to keep your secrets hidden away
to entertain you when you want to play
cause friends are there, smile or tear
and the ties that binds friends, will last forever...
Peiqi, just remember this,
there's a time for joy, there's a time for tears
there's a time for grief, there's a time for happiness
do stay cheerful as can be alrights.
tell yourself you can do it, and you will be able to.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008 10:09 PM
Predestined
in life, everything was predestined for us
so my last hope & wish for this year,
is to let me successfully get up to Secondary 4
shall repeat this again, whether to be in dynamic or thinking
it's fine with me,but no caring, please. No!!!! God, I sincerly pray to you.
cause once i enter the caring class, my hope, all gone
even if i have the heart to study, i won't have a conducive environment to learn
i don't want my future to be ruin!!!!!!
let alone to get retain, i don't want to study with juniors please.
so our 4D3N was rejected?! Urgh.
i just hope this camp will be a successful one
our last time to conduct a camp, mustn't throw face anymore
lastly, so long to our 2 VIs, thanks for the guidance that you've given us
it was mostly appreciated
brother, taking Os this yr, tmr will be yr first practical paper alr
i know you're worry for it, but have confidence
that's what you always told me right, likewise, you must apply it on yrself too.
and for those people taking 'O's this year
Best Of Luck!!!!!!!!
Monday, October 13, 2008 10:07 PM
Yet another day
yet another day, got to know some of our results
in exact, it's two of them
and yes! i passed my English p2.(yayness)
It's just paper two, i cannot imagine, about my Paper 1
cause I'm alr prepared for the worst
as Mrs haris, tht time said that those who choose qns 1 or 4
work harder on paper two, and yes, I'm the unlucky one who choose qns 4
an A level question. Drats. i pin all my hope onto English alr
please don't drop another bomb.
cause there're way too many sudden bomb that exploded on me!! Urgh
as for history, I've got no comments.
last minute revision, what can i still expect
but there's no doubt tht my history has improved, though i still fail
teacher say tht, at most by Wednesday, will get back all our papers
i think, i gotta prepare lots of packets of tissue.
and next Monday, will get back our result slip
oh no, i foresee death on next Monday, 20102008
whether to be in thinking, or dynamic, but definitely not caring
please, no caring for me!
Thursday, October 09, 2008 10:27 PM
i thought a few weeks ago, would be my last time posting about my relationship with mum
haven't i tried hard enough
we agree to give in to one another
initially, we rly gave in to one another
i didn't know things wuld get out of hand again(!!)
i rly no longer know what i can do.
my happiness, were all, so short-lived
all was just a play. where the naive me, believed it completely
i thought if i give in to you, we will go along well
but mum, i'm tired.
everytime, when i go out
return home, you would never welcome me with a smile
you wuld always question me, like a criminal
& i hate this feelings, hate of not being trusted
i thought i thought i thought
i thought as time passes by, i will gain just a little trust from you
foolish me, foolish me, foolish me!!!
now i know, things can't be always tht simple
there's a motive behind everything someone do
as there's a sentence which goes like this, there's no free meal in this world.
i get this meaning, fully get it alr.
i'm sry, i told you 我死心了!
i know you're sad, i know yr stand of being a mum
but mum, i'm a human being
which human being dnt have feelings
although friends always say tht i dnt have a generation gap with you
but why, can't you let go off me?
it's just like. you can't strech a rubber band till tht long
or tht rubber band will snap
for me, i aint a rubber band
the rubber band can snap, probably i'll break down
i care tht you care for me
i'm happy tht you once changed yr attitude towards me
i'm happy tht you tried letting go off me
thanks mum!
but why, why did we stop till here
we've gone so far, & now, going back to the same old unkind you again
i pray to god, to dnt take away my mother love from me
i seek god forgiveness,to let mum continue to love me
why must everything stop till here?
i'm sorry mum. i need some time
i just wish to be carefree fifteen year old, to be a young teen,without any troubles
it's just too much, too harsh, for me.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008 6:41 PM
realised i hadn't been blogging for days
luckily not to the extent of weeks yet
after exams, i will continue to update daily. as for now, i can only update if i'm free
so left with three more papers, but i'm alr in the holiday mood
tmr shall be chemistry & dnt paper
but i've not started my revision on it
urgh, how am i going to get promoted!!!, if i still continue to laze around.
but i've been working hard for the past few weeks
except for today, the studying mood is just not there
but i still gotta force myself, to face those chemical equations
& those 1st,2nd,3rd class lever
urgh, the remaining subject, are the ones i hate the most!
be back soon with my daily posting on thursday?
♥ silly has gone for a 3 days camp,do take care uh.
